And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
