Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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