I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
