There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
