Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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