He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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