I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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