wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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