you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
