my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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