I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
