1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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