Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
