Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize