well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
