Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
