Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
