That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
