I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
