Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
