Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
