I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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