OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
