i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
