There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
