im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
