Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize