I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
