I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
