just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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