If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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