alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
