i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
