Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
