aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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