i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
