She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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