No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
