had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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