dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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