Can i not drive my cunt home
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
