He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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