"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
