the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
