we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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