Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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