The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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