Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
