dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
