Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
