Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
