so explain again why im purple
no
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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