Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
