I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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