she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize