I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize