Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
