No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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