that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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