i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
