i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
