There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
