I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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