I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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