i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
