Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
