hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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