..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
