I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
