I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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