i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
