I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
