I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
