you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
