Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Come see our sink grown plant.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize