I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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