The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
