Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
