I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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